10 Bollywood movies of 2013 we wish never came out

Well, its' time. We are winding up the year and various applications such as Youtube, IMDB and so on have already started publishing  their respective reviews on the trends of pop culture that were witnessed in 2013.
India too has a well flourished entertainment business extending across global platforms and it is worth while to hark back and take a peek into how the year was for the Indian entertainment especially Bollywood.

I actually started with the idea of listing out the the good and fairly decent movies which came out during 2013. I wasn't surprised to realize that there were only a handful of them . Allowing this depressing fact to sink in, I began thinking of the movies on which I wasted my money and time for no reason. Jesus Christ!! A stream of names kept popping up quickly and steadily.This called for a change in the topic . So here is the list of  " 10 Bollywood Movies of 2013 which we wished never came out " .

Disclaimer:  The list is actually in chronological order of the movie release as there is no point in deciding the worst among the garbage since all are equally bad.

RACE-2:

Yes! Bollywood actually opened the year with this frustrating head ache. The movie had a promising star cast of Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone  John Abraham, Anil Kapoor and few songs by Pritam which were topping the charts before its release. But still, the whole movie was one huge load of dragon dung. The directors Abbas and Mustan were so fond of twists that they planted the movie with a twist for every 15 minutes.

Well that was actually quite simple. Three characters say A ,B and C were introduced . The creators just played with C's loyalty towards A and B in the name of twists throughout the movie. Adding to the misery of viewers, there were a few scenes which showcased some ground breaking deviations from Newtonian physics like "parachuting an AUDI from a burning plane".


2. HIMMATWALA - There wasn't even enough content in the movie to criticize it. The director proudly remarked that the movie was  to be the biggest blockbuster of the year  during the promotions. He should have learnt his lessons as the movie was forced out of the screens within days of its release.

Yeah! A tiger fights the gundas along with the hero in the movie! Phew!!

3. CHASHME BADDOOR : A remake of the old classic by the same name suffered an embarrassing fate. Apparently,this movie was released along with the digitalized version of the classic chashme badoor(1981). And people opted to catch the old one instead of the modern version which was forcefully stuffed with lame and dumb jokes throughout !

4. RAMAIYA VATSAVAIYA : A movie which is to be skipped even from your DVD lists. This debacle by Prabhu deva had all characteristics that should not be present in a good movie. Shruti Hassan promised to be the only consoling factor in the movie which appeared to be barely watchable. I meant... Shruti Hassan. No, the movie.

 5.ONCE UPON A TIME IN MUMBAAI DOBARA : 

The movie's tagline went as "This time it's personal !" indicating producer Ekta Kapoor's clash with Sharukh Khan and his Chennai Express. It was a personal blow to the producer too with the movie failing miserably at the box office when its contender(Chennai Express)went on to become the highest grossing movie in India.

The movie had no significant content except for pages of incoherent punch dialogues delivered by Akshay Kumar for the sake of being an Underworld Don. Sonakshi Sinha's reactions throughout the movie only made it worse.

6. ZANJEER:  A ridiculously insane attempt disrespecting the original 1973 Amitabh Bachchan classic is what one would say about the movie. A naive,mindless movie where the protagonist's expressions keeps you frustrated all the time. Priyanka Chopra was a marketing element in the movie who could not help stopping the movie from disappearing among the theatre circuits within a week. Not to forget Sanjay Dutt, the most expensive joke in the movie.

7. BESHARAM : Ranbir Kapoor should have been indeed shameless to have chosen this virtually empty and  inane script after being successful with two back to back feel-good movies. Few minutes into the movie and you would have realized that it was not the screenplay that needed to move forward but it was you who should have moved on.

8.BOSS :  Looks like Akshay Kumar would never refrain from giving at least two bad movies in a year. So came the second, within two months of his first fiasco justifying the jinx.I have already squandered enough of my precious time on this movie that I would not prefer wasting  any more of it writing about this junk.

9.KRRISH 3 : The whole movie would have received a very warm welcome had they marketed it as an "Indian Spoof of a Super Hero Movie". Sadly they didn't and the whole movie actually seemed to be a joke.

However the joke was on us for the movie had grossed more than 250 Crores. 

10. R... RAJKUMAR : Prabhu deva returned again within few months of his early disaster only to avenge  the innocent viewers who didn't welcome his earlier venture. Rajkumar was in no way a good movie. Everything about the movie was crass and lecherous. The mindless action sequences makes you go numb. So does the idiosyncratic one liners which are not even slightly funny. In the climax sequence, Shahid Kapoor is stabbed  repeatedly by some uncountable number of stout men after which Shahid manages to survive but we don't. 

In an attempt to end the article on a positive note ..here are a handful of movies that were genuinely good and interesting to watch in 2013. 

                          

         

Do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France?

http://nationalreport.net/louisiana-man-stops-robbery-quoting-pulp-fiction/

A nice read. Imagine someone actually saving people by quoting Pulp Fiction lines in a restaurant.

Mummy Returns

Disclaimer : This article has nothing to do with election campaigns. I'm not even a distant relative of any party member. I live in Besant Nagar which is far away from Poes Garden. And I drink only Red Label tea, which is not related to Sunrise coffee. (Mandatory pj)

...and the 'Amma' returns (She made her debut here : http://filteredfools.blogspot.in/2013/06/computers-and-ammas.html) with yet another excellent display of her expertise in technology.

A problem which persists with families, relatives, animals, insects who have greater than or equal to one family member, relative, fellow fauna living abroad (faarin) is that people begin to think that goods abroad are always cheaper. So, if you live in India and your cousin in the U.S.A. and he reveals any plans of returning to India in the next five years, he is almost dead. Give him the shopping list! How dare he returns to India...

But this is the case even if the relative is living in any other part of the world. Uncle is a scientist in Antarctica. Ask him to get a laptop, iPod and a few penguins maybe. They should be cheap in those parts.


In a similar context, brother is returning from London this February. I didn't want anything from there. Neither did Mr. Father. But, being technologically advanced, Amma wanted something. After being bent on a kitchen knife for a long time, she changed her mind to something exciting.

iPad - Camera

Amma : I don't care if you people don't want anything. I want something. I want iPad.
Me : Eh?
Amma : Apple... iPad.
Me : Oh. iPad. Why do you want one?
Amma : Everyone has it!
Me : Right. What does it do?
Amma : It takes photos. And if you take a photo using an iPad, it is bigger than normal photos which you take in your camera. The screen is also very big. Much better.
Me : <blank>
Amma : Don't you read the papers? It is a big slate with which you can take photos.
Me : So, it is a camera?
Amma : Yes, that's the word I was searching for. I want an iPad.
Me : How much do you think it might cost?
Amma : 10,000 rupees or something? Yes. 8000-10000 is a good estimate. Cameras are nearly that rate.
Me : Right ho!
---

At this rate, an iPad will soon be flipped over and used as a chopping board in kitchens. Who knows!

The Life of Bloody Mary

I should warn you nothing has been exaggerated in this article and neither am I being sexist. These are all true incidents and none of these idiocies are to be imitated. 

There is a reason why girls are so good at putting off guys, and also a reason why some guys would have never have to even come across such a situation. Every girl would know one thing for sure - guys are terrible at taking hints. Of course, one must admire their resilience and optimism, despite the repeated manoeuvres to get away from them. The hope that their crush would

like their picture on Facebook, or even respond to their messages gives them a reason to unfailingly try to have a conversation longer than ten lines the next day. It all starts with a request that seems innocent, or a forward that seems harmless, but it grows faster than a tumour. Soon enough, they're sending you messages wishing you a good morning, and a good evening, and then a good night. They stalk you day and night, and are updated with every meal you have and every place you visit. The horror. 

Initially you think, it's just a boy. How much harm can a mixed up chromosome do to one? Boy, was I wrong. One can end up with hundreds of followers and stalkers because of one mix-up.  

Although it's tiresome to keep ignoring the gawking and ogling, and the stalkers constantly at work, there are certain perks to it as well. You get to read tons of hilarious one-liners, cheesy pick-up lines and what not. You will soon be well-versed with every one of their excuses to get your number and they might turn out useful in case you ever plan on using them. Strangers will ask you out to dinner, praise you in flattery and get you high on narcissism. You'll always feel like the most popular person in the world, your phone flooding with messages.  

Thankfully, Facebook was smart enough to keep a folder called "Others" ever since the rising trend of talking to strangers online started spreading. There is a tremendous need to filter out the stalkers from the acquaintances. Save the girl child indeed!

P.S. The article was purely based on a personal experience and is directed at a very small section of the male population.

The five most over rated entities around me!!

Disclaimer: The content and the choices made in the article are strictly contemplated opinions and beliefs of the author. Any damage caused to the sentiments of the readers, evoking their emotions is not entirely but slightly intentional.

When a blind sheep falls into a pit, it is believed that the other sheep behind the blind one would also fall into the same fate though they are not necessarily blind. The entire idea of overrating would aptly fit into this dumb sheep analogy.

Consider the scenario:
Person 1 watches a movie and likes it very much. He would now pass the information of his liking towards the movie to person 2!!
Person 2 to Person 3: Person 1 has watched the movie and "I heard" it is good.
Person 3 to a few more : The movie is good!!! (Sources man! Sources??? )
Person 4,5,6 to a lot more : The movie was "awesome"! (overrating-1 , reality-0)

This habit passes on and people subtly start developing positive perceptions on an entity even though they wouldn't have personally experienced it, consequently spinning a blanket of cliche over the stuff!! And that blanket is what we term "overrating"! Basically, it is like being inside a Matrix! You don't know what is real !

There are always three sides of a story. The first side,second side and the truth. Sometimes,when you get to experience the truth about these overrated, hyped entities you would be hit with waves of disappointment and doubts as they could be ugly and undeserving. In this context I would like to air the most overrated stuffs thriving around me in my environment!

5. Sachin 10dulkar:

Fans of the master blaster, bite your teeth and scroll down! Without any doubt, he is a great cricketer, professional, talented and you know the rest. But still I would say "Sachin is the hero which the India team deserves but not the one it has needed always."  To my consciousness, I have never seen him carrying the team to victory single handed in a very important "do or die" matches or at least contributing on field to his team in immense pressure situations. Being a highly respected and rated player one should at least expect that much from him . But instead, there went times when India had to play for the sole purpose of making the master bridge the history with his 100th century, which purely does not add to the image of a colossus. I do not wish to stay on this topic more as it could fetch me brickbats and flaks. But I do have many who feel the same.

4. The Shawshank Redemption and its IMDB 9.3:

Are you kidding me? What could get better than Morgan's Freeman narrating the life of an innocent trapped man sloging two complete decades in his life to escape out of his prison ? Highly emotional, interestingly narrative, terrifically realistic, yeah! Undoubtedly a great movie but not the one deserving to get a 9.3 rating in IMDB and the top most spot in its "Top 250 movies of all time" list!  I could guarantee a dozen other movies which are more qualified for that position than its current placeholder.

3. City of Bengaluru, India:

Refreshing weather, hot damn chicks (sorry damn hot chicks) and people tend to keep this outsourcing factory on the oblivion. Seriously, no one cares about the narrow roads (yes the streets and the main roads in Bangalore are more or  less of the same width) the endless pollution, people driving and turning crazy at the T-junctions which are unfortunately in a large number in Bengaluru. And, yeah, the high cost of living adds to everything. Not to forget the city's airport which is freaking 50 Kms away from the main city. What is wrong with you people??


2.Hotel Saravana Bhavan (HSB):

Those who have no idea about it,HSB is a chain of vegetarian restaurants across the globe.

The olden Madras had uber respect for the Vada-Sambar and the full course afternoon meal it offered. Things aren't the same anymore. Two things about the food seem to shoot up every time I go there, the amount of oil the food items contain and the other more obvious factor being the food prices, which keeps gnawing at me very much.

The very fact that the franchise was invincible in its quality for decades has helped them maintain the same name and fame inspite of the deteriorating taste. And it is being over rated for the very reason too.

1. Salman Khan 

100,150,200,250...
It is not an Arithmetic progression sequence with a common difference of 50 but the amount in crores that Salman Khan's recent movies bagged in the market. And when you decide to study on what factors led to such a jackpot, you will hardly find some substance. In fact all his movies have been rebuked by critics throughout. He uses some set of muscles to hit the bad asses in a scene. And uses the same set of muscles in the holy name of "dance" by the very next scene.
Step 1: Move your mouth left and right
Step 2: Try vibrating your biceps at constant beats
Step 3: Ease your hand into your pockets and try moving them

" There you go!Congratulations!! You have successfully completed the jackpot winning dance movements" !

Probably, the icon had been the only instance known for defying fundamental movienomics by showing that he could fetch more profit from a relatively bad movie than the better ones("So called") ! My heart aches and brain implodes when I get to hear the celebrated news of the net gross of his movies. I find a hard time figuring out reasons. Cause and Effect? Where did you go now??

                   
As time flies by, I keep hoping if the over rating phenomena of these entities could be wiped off. On a micro scale I do keep wondering if my taste on all these substances are just weird, and actually very different from the other folks. Conflict of opinions it is !! (NOT ON THE SALMAN KHAN PART THOUGH!)

Bollywood,Kollywood aur the swapping cliches!

It is not surprising that cinemas in India have been greatly associated with Bombay-Hollywood aka Bollywood for over a century! Without any doubt, Bollywood has supported a rich tradition of movies in India for years and has nourished all other regional film industries in the country. Yes, had there not been a Amitab Bachchan, there wouldn't have been a Rajnikanth. Great! I have mentioned those two names in an article revolving around Indian cinema. Now, I can safely move on to the subject.

 PHASE-1 OF THE SCENARIO:

Harking back to the 1960s,1970s and 1980s, Bollywood witnessed a heavily backed trend of what we call the "masala movies" (action, duets, sister sentiments, item numbers and what not!) The trend had its influence all over the country, especially on films in South India. Well, I don't want to talk about its Tollywood cousin which had perhaps digested too much of inspiration that even today its products cannot survive without ample dose of the typical Andhra masalas!

 Down south is a smaller region which still holds its commanding position in the movie business at par with the Bollywood. And yes, the Bollywood masala inspiration prevailed for many decades here too except for the respite provided from time to time by directors like Mani Ratnam with catchy movies like Nayagan, Roja, Bombay and the like. Those were times when audience sulked if they saw their heroes ending the movie in a sad note! I can't cite a better example than the amount of criticism Ajith Kumar faced for his melancholy Mugavari a decade ago. Time flew, generations and actors changed, but the cliché could never be rooted out.

Meanwhile in the north, a bunch of young talents managed to throw away the cliche weeds with interesting substitutes. Heroines catching the trains at the last minute were made as interesting as a cop shooting the bad ass(DDLJ), 3 friends hanging out were shown as lovable as an exotic duet(DIL CHAHTHA HAI) and a single  man leading a messed up team to world cup victory was as emotional as the hero's mother dying on his hands. While the Bombay talkies was clever enough to switch lanes, it was still the "same old same old" situation  in the south.

 PHASE-2 OF THE SCENARIO: 

Towards the late second half of the previous decade Kollywood did try to get off the stereotyped track. There were spoofs, portrayal of gay couples and action movies began to lose their thunder subtly. But, that did not help in attracting the public and crunching the numbers. In such a scenario, I would like to point out two movies that came out in a span of two years and reminded everyone that there still is room and respect for creativity in the soil. One was "AARANYA KAANDAM" which released two years ago. The other one was the recent show stopper "SOODHU KAVVUM". Both the projects didn't have an appealing star cast, high octane stunts or the usually copied-from-Hollywood-movie car chases! But they had some out of the box teasers, astute presentation of the story,  simple and appealing dialogues cooked in desi style.Thanks to all those non-dramatic ideas. The grand old clichéd wall of Tamil cinema could soon be diminished now, faith has thus been restored and the world has become a better place to live in!

But wait a minute, the oblivion is not that easy a destination to reach! There is a guy in Bombay in the name of Salman Khan. He simply checks in, moves some muscles, kicks some butts and then rest is history,scoring  a whopping one hundred crores on the board! "Easier done than said". Well, such a simple white formula of bagging big money has indeed eye patched the big heads from experimenting on different genres, thus posting them back into the Sholay timeline! This served a lottery to actors like Ajay Devgan and Akshay Kumar who became preoccupied easily with the movies that demanded authentic stunts rather than genuine expressions and acting. In fact the 100 crore clichés had a tremendous potential which influenced directors even like Dibaker Banerjee to append item numbers to their flicks.(Not cool bro,not cool!) Well the trend that kicked off with Dabangg doesn't promise to reach the oblivion in the near future. Increasing the concerns, Shahrukh has now come down the line with his Chennai Express which is undoubtedly going to be a typical "flipping-the-cars" Rohit Shetty movie. The budding creativity currently flowing in the Kollywood fraternity has instilled a sense of satiety but I still miss those days when SRK used to put people in trance with his guitars, Saif made one go on the floor laughing with his comical romance, and of course those days when Salman Khan had more interesting criminal cases than his movie records.

'Pop'ped Culture

It had been a long time since I'd browsed aimlessly on the internet. Since my hostel has a net connection as stable as a long distance relationship, I had been cut-off, deserted and ignorant. I realize my playlist hadn't been updated at all so I take a look at the billboard top 40. I see names I can't recognise and they sound very flashy. Icona Pop, Pink, Pitbull. Bruno Mars. They seemed out of this planet, literally. Demi Lovato. Selena Gomez. Jonas Brothers. Wait, weren't they on the Disney channel a few years ago?

Out of curiosity (which I'm incredibly grateful to be, or who knows what might have happened if I'd just mentioned their names to show off a bit) I googled them. And decided to hear a few of their songs on Youtube. And there pops up a video with around 800 million likes. Titled Baby, featuring Ludacris. And all I could think was, ridiculous! And I start playing the video and see a kid singing baby for about two minutes. I realized my mom's complaints had some truth to them. After all the old Hindi songs she'd gotten used to, that necessarily had high-pitched voices and sung nothing less a perfectly tuned raga, what she was exposed to was worse than cacophony.But what did make me feel better was that the video had 3 million dislikes.There was still hope.And then I try to move on, and take a look at Pitbull. Mind-blowing was too much of an understatement I'd say. Here are some excerpts from his famous songs.

"A billion's a new million
Voli's a new vodka
Forty is the new 30
Baby you're a rock star"

"That badonka donk is like a trunk full of bass on an old school Chevy
All I need is some vodka and some Coke
And watch get Donkey Konged"

*For those who could not understand them, I have no translation.

For those who did understand, got curious and listened to a few more of his raps, you might have spotted a trend. He mentions a few places, Cuba, Miami, New York, and mentions boozing and getting stoned, and continues blabbing in Latin. His secret to success might still remain a secret, but hey, if you ever wanted a shot at fame, you know which road to follow.

And then I see, there is one video that crossed a billion likes. But I notice a rather peculiar guy in the video - not very attractive, a pot belly for sure. Makes me more inquisitive. I listen to it, and I find out in the end that the only words I gather from the video are 'sexy lady'. Well, that's reason enough to become the most popular song, isn't it?

Nevertheless, pop has its catchy beats and must have some other reasons as to why it is popular. There are some artists who are worthy of thy name. The Beatles were popular during their time and truly do have substance. But when boy bands like One Direction stand at the same position as the legends in the billboard charts, there will be a lot of fingers raised, tomatoes and eggs thrown as well.

The Oath of the .... Vaaya Pothraaa !

Note : Vaaya Pothraaa - Pliss to shut the mouth .

This is one of my earliest writings. A bit juvenile, accepted. It has been 6 years since I wrote this.

"
Danger: The following article was written under a controlled environment. Writer won't be responsible for any kind of organ failure.

There was this human called Oath – Tall, well-built, silly walk and had a brain , like the four headed, man-eating haddock fish beast of Aberdeen (It's existence is doubted ). There was also a sister of his who once completed her 100m in the relay race just by doing Pink Panther hops. Eventually, they finished fourth in the race. Seems like an achievement? You may be wrong for only four had participated.

Mr. Oath always used to think that he could write poems and lots of them, a problem too common these days. Breaking all definitions given by Wordsworth, he would sit and think of topics for his poems. The main objective of his poem would be to rhyme the second line with the first one and not the very essence of the poem if at all something like that existed in his poems. The second line would at any cost rhyme with the first line, even though no meaning would be conveyed.

Here is a short guide to writing poems like Mr. Oath:-

1. Write the first line that comes to your mind. This will form the first line of your poem. Make it as poetic as possible.

                                                “As the lion met the fox”

2. Make a sentence that rhymes with fox. Keep in mind that it should be the first line striking your mind.

                                                “I was wearing a pair of socks”

3. Continue in the same way….

                                                “I suddenly remember Goldilocks

                                                 And my friend got Chicken-Pox”


4. If you have completed your first four lines, congratulations. Write four more stanzas in a similar manner, and you have completed your first poem. Also, remember to make some mistakes while rhyming. This greatly helps in the aesthetics of the poem.

Such poetry is also highly characterized by the excessive use of words ending with –tion
Eg:                 “To build a beautiful nation,

                        The boy had a queer notion

                        1 + 1 is of course addition

                        9 – 9 is subtraction.”

Our guru - Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vogon

You could also do this. Write whatever you feel on a piece of paper and then just separate just a first few words from the rest of the line. Sounds pretty cool.

E.g : I walked down the road and turned left. The usually found vegetable vendor wasn't there. Disappointed, I had to find another one. How could I cook without vegetables? Devastated, I had to run helter-skelter. I was entranced with the thought of food.Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, vegeta, veg, ve,v. A new phase has begun in my life.

You can see that that was absolute rubbish. Turn this into :

Turned left

I walked down the road and

Wasn't there

The usually found vegetable vendor

Disappointed,

I had to find another one.

Vegetables,

How could I cook without?

Devastated,

I had to run helter-skelter

Entranced,

With the thought of food I was.

Vegetables,

Vegetables, vegetab, vegeta, veg, ve, v.

New phase,

Begins in my life.

Some of the complaints after reading such poetry, the hospital received (What am I even writing?)
    First one was from X(name made a variable) who said his brain had a collision with his gall bladder after reading such a poem and he demanded 5 Lakh (INR) compensation . The hospital replied saying that they would mail him other better poems. We received no more mail from him.

    Another was from Y(name made another variable so that it doesn’t match with the first) who said that his heart started moving and it was in his larynx when he reached the last few stanzas of a poem. He had to gobble his computer speakers to push it down to its original position.

Apart from such normal cases they did not receive anything else. I just hope the Government looks into this and takes stringent actions on anyone attempting Oath-ian poetry for "public welfare".
"

Some things haven't changed at all.

4 Years

4 years..

What should I do in these 4 years?

Should I be a nerd, sit and study all the time in the room, and get grades, while I watch my classmates go out and have fun with their new found friends? Should I pore through dozens of books and abstain from having fun now, all for some grades, grades which will help me later in life?

Should I choose to stick to the rules, because I am afraid that they will ruin my life? Should I choose to be an introvert, because I am afraid that people won’t respond to me properly?

Or…

Should I be an all out cheerful person, one who goes out and makes friends, while neglecting my subjects? Should I be more concerned about how much fun I am having, than how much marks I am getting?

I don’t know the answer.

In my school days, marks gave me recognition. My educational achievements gave me my so-called friends; if I scored a lot, they would be happy to talk with me and get their doubts clarified. And I was told to spend time only with the people who score top marks, because spending time with the not-so-top-scoring guys will reduce my score too.

I tried to be a part of social gatherings. To be a normal person. But it never worked out. Jealousy, Ego and Selfishness pulled me back. And there was always the constant advice at home, “ Score good marks now. You can enjoy later.”

And so I did. I managed to enter into a reputed college. Where I hoped to change.

The advice was there again. “ Study well these 4 years. You can enjoy later”

And so I did.

I choose to abandon my social life for education.

I saw my classmates making new friends and enjoying their 4 years. For them, the present was important. To be happy now. To be ignorant of what lay ahead.
 The bliss. I knew none of that.

And right now, I sit all alone.

I have realized that my marks can’t give me any happiness. I have actually lost a lot while on my way to attain more.

And all I can do I cry a little on the inside.

But, my grades will help me later, right? Maybe they will grant me a nice 6-digit salary.

That is what I have worked for all this time.

 It will compensate for everything, right?

Right ?

I don’t know the answer.

The smart phone plot!!

Well,the article is not about the detrimental effects of smart phones in the entropy or about  the phenomenal change it has bought into human routines. These topics have already been confronted, discussed and debated indefinitely by philanthropists all across the globe. It is just about a small unfortunate or going-to-turn fortunate episode in my life plotted by a smart phone.

I never became a victim of smart phones even though when they became a ubiquitous parameter in the society, since their advent five years ago. I was always convinced that I could never depend on a phone for any purpose other than calling someone or texting them. But things had to change and they did. The world was moving too fast  and various instances made me realize  that I was left behind without the critical technology update.Consequently,I decided that it was time for some smart ass company and hence juxtaposed a smart phone with my old simple model.

I was pushed into an unexpected conundrum within days of my new friend's arrival. My smart phone had revealed everything about my relationship to my family (or to be more appropriate, to my conservative family). My mom basically isn't keen enough to operate a smart phone. She doesn't even know to check the inbox. But one fine day, when she was glaring at the new phone to check some applications, she saw a small window of a notification which read that I had received a text message from "some" person <cough cough>. And yes without any doubt, that "some" person was my girlfriend. All it took was a gentle touch over the notification window and the very next moment she had all our conversations saying hi to her and my secrets which I wished to hide from her just went kaput. Well, the worst part was that unlike my old friend this one had all the messages stacked neatly and chronologically as conversations and hence she could easily picture and figure out the situations happening inside the conversations.(There was no scope for this in my old phone where the received and delivered messages would be in separate folders). Adding to the misery was the facebook chat synchronization which contained even more of my-mom-shouldn't-know stuffs. She wouldn't have imagined that she could get so much information about her son with nothing but a touch. Thanks to the smart ass for being so honest and humble.The touch has now become mightier than a pen!!!

Well the fact or point I wish to put forth here is that, when a smart phone could easily reveal so much personal information to a naive person like my mom, it could certainly lend them to the "First world nations" and software giants who are snooping on netizens all over the globe ("food for thought")!! Unfortunately, we are always being prowled by the very own devices to which we are technically owners and actually slaves.

For some very warm reasons, I still feel the world was a very peaceful place when we had this in our pockets:

"You just cannot forget this"

Critical Appreciation #1 : Unsaid Goodbyes

“I used to think novels were bad until I came across poems. They were verse."

Here is a recent poem that we read and thought we should do a critical appreciation of it. This would serve as a good reference to understand the deep and almost nearly inconspicuous meaning of the poem. Some comments have been given with some select lines as a vain attempt at humour and also for quick understanding of the context and beauty in the poem.

"

Somehow the train of thoughts never ends,    // "the" train? Probably previously referred to in one of the poet's poems. 

of unsaid goodbyes and lost friends. -       // Train of thoughts - Seeing that Train of thought is a plural , this is plural plural. Plural inception ! 

All the good times in your heart embossed,  

Reminding constantly what you’ve lost.      // Look at the aa bb rhyme scheme! ends-friends, embossed-lo.. wait. Lost ?

You wish there was some better way to end, 

a better way to let go of dear friends.    // Look at the aa bb rhyme scheme! end-friends. Ok. Look at the xyzw rhyme scheme from now on.

It pains to drift away, to crumble with time,

knowing very well that that you’ve committed a crime. //Mamaa.. just killed a man <Bohemian Rhapsody>

Truths get bared or masks finally fall, 

or time simply pulls apart from all.    // This is a key moment in the poem. Take time to read it nice and clear , slow and ho !

Whatever bitterness may have sprouted between two, 

admit it, you miss the other person too.  // Admit it ! Admit it, bloody %$%**$@. 

Without a word silent rifts get made, 

Let’s give it one more try” none of them said. //

And even though make new friends you will, // Facebook effect imploding our lives.

Unsaid goodbyes will forever hurt you still.

"

Summary

The poet has clearly written this in one of his passive and dull moods as evidently seen by his choice of words like 'lost', 'goodbye', 'bitterness' etc. The poet laments about the numerous friends who left him without saying a goodbye ( A hidden reason could be because of his increase in writing poetry and therefore a desperate attempt to save themselves ).

Lines 1 - 4 :
Grammatical errors apart , the poet has a flashback of people who ran away from him due to his habit of "Writing Poems!". He tries to remind his friends about how he made them emboss his poem "All the good times" in their chests. Also of the pain he felt when they lost the poem because it was a cheap tattoo.

Lines 5 - 8 :
The poet tells himself that there must be some better way to end his endeavour of writing poems, else he might have to lose all of his already few, near-and-dear friends. The poet has come to know very well that he's been doing the crime of writing such cataclysmic poem and hopes they will crumble with time.

Lines 9 - 12 :
He comes to accept that he will be greeted by a lot of criticism and mockery when his poems reach far and wide. But he also tries to force his friends to admit that they all loved him once and miss him now. The bitterness caused due to some unknown reason gets hidden between lines 11 and 12.

Lines 13 - 16 :
Everyone deserts the poet without prior warning . None of them are willing to "give one more try" to read his poems. Though the poet might meet new people, the way they keep deserting him will forever hurt him still. The vicious cycle of his continued poem-writing and the subsequent unsaid goodbyes ( Akin to Lord Tennyson's Brook ) will go on for ever . 

CBSE students should be highly benefited from such comprehension paragraphs. We'll definitely try and bring out question and answers to these stanzas after consulting our research group for the benefit of the public and the X standard students. 

In-Tic-Tac-Toe-Ception

All of us have played tic-tac-toe. But here is a interesting twist to the game.

Enter Inception
Basically, this is a tic-tac-toe within a tic-tac-toe.

https://www.khanacademy.org/cs/in-tic-tac-toe-ception-perfect/1681243068

To win the game (the external board), you need to win the internal smaller 3x3 grids and form a horizontal, vertical or diagonal line in the external larger grid consisting of nine 3x3 grids.

If you place an 'o' in the first cell of any 3x3 grid, the opponent has to necessarily place an 'x' in the first 3x3 grid (of the bigger grid).

Rules are better explained in the line. I just hope it becomes a standard in-class entertainment during lectures.

Computers and Ammas

Disclaimer : This article has nothing to do with election campaigns. I'm not even a distant relative of any party member. I live in Besant Nagar which is far away from Poes Garden. And I drink only Red Label tea, which is not related to Sunrise coffee. (Mandatory pj)

As the other author Country would have put it : "Arasiyal oru saakada da", literally translating to "Politics is a sewer".  So, I'll happily keep myself away from it.

Amma = Mother (in Tamil) and not a canteen or mess.
Ammas = Mothers (in Tanglish)


I do not know about the rest of you, but personal observation of my subject has led me to believe that technology and fairly old aged people do not get along at all. Here is one of the many incidents which has forced me to reach the conclusion.

Me : Amma, type the password in my laptop.
Amma : What is it?
Me : 6*9=42
Amma : Ok. 'S' 'I' 'X'.. (Strictly forefingers. Keyboards are allergic to other fingers)
Me : No no. All numerals and symbols
Amma : Fine. '6' 'x' ..
Me : Uh.. no. There is a multiplication symbol in the keyboard. (hoping she'd learn)
Amma : (clearly irritated) Come, type your password yourself. Hmmmphhh..
Me: : Try!
Amma : (back to the keyboard) Hmm.. here is the star multiplication symbol. I need to hold the shift key right? (Presses the left shift key with her right forefinger and the number eight with her left forefinger. Awkward position really.. Close enough to a Gangnam Style)

Yup. Psy and Eric Shmidt (Executive Chairman of Google). Look at Eric's hands.. Amma probably taught him that! Look at Psy's hands too !! Forefinger is clearly seen.

So, she typed very well till 6*9 and then started the trouble.

Amma : Thambi.. There is no equal to sign in your keyboard!
Me : Yes. I took it out so that no one would type my password. Let's see you search for it.
Amma : Ok

Quite some time later, my computer is still not logged in. She still hasn't typed the password but she is very busy searching for something in the keyboard.

Amma : Poda.. the 'equal to' sign is missing. The closest to it is a semi-colon, but that isn't working

And so, when we reached this situation, I simply showed her where the equal to sign was in the keyboard.

Amma : Oooooh...! Nice. Stupid people. Kept the = sign there!  (And she types the = symbol.) .. But it isn't logging in.
Me : Eh.. why? What did you type.
Amma : 6*9=54

I couldn't have done anything there. She was right. Sob. <Insert hitchhiker's funda> Sob more.

Me : No. For security reasons it is 42. Please type 6*9=42.
Amma : Haha.. idiot. (Starts typing again)
...
....
.....
Amma : Thambi... the 'equal to' sign is missing again. I think you will have to install google for this soon, to search for characters.. Haha.

And she leaves the place after that really intelligent joke.
 

My Experiments With Blogging

It was around the time I was in 10th standard that the idea of starting an own took my fancy. All the cool guys around seemed to have one and therefore I wanted one of my own. So with great gusto I started my very first blog. But the excitement didn't last too long and all I managed to write were two posts. The failure of my first blog didn't really deter me and by the time I was in 12th standard I had started around five to six blogs. Sadly none of them could do better than my first blog. I was starting to think that probably blogging was not my cup of tea and thought of giving up blogging for good. But then something unexpected happened. A blog of mine kind of took off. By took off I don't mean it was a huge success or something but it had regular posts and had a decent number of followers too. Well I guess at this point I ought to clarify that it was not really "my" blog. It was a class blog that my friends and I started together. Even though it was supposed to be a class blog it was really just 2 of us who were really active in the blog. So even that blog didn't last long which was a shame really because I honestly believed that the blog had future. Maybe if the others had shown some interest the blog might have had a longer run, though the contribution of my mediocre writing skills in bringing the blog to a premature end was no less.

Anyway, the class blog which we started was a good learning experience. For one, it taught me that others didn't really enjoy my writing as much as I did. But nothing hindered me from starting blogs most of which didn't even have a single post. One of those blogs was titled 'rhyme time' and had the tagline 'After all it is not a crime to rhyme'. The main principle of the blog was that all the posts must rhyme! Well the the blog never really took off because I didn't have the requisite skill to write articles which rhymed with one another, which was sad because I thought that it was a really novel venture. Maybe in the hands of some one more talented, the blog would have prospered and set a trend of some kind. Despite all the failures, my blogging journey continued and I kept starting new blogs, each more unsuccessful than the previous one. After the failure of what I believe was my 14th blog I was seriously pondering about my blogging future when I received an invitation from a good friend to write for his blog, and well so here I am typing yet another first post for my 15th blog....       

Why is it almost impossible to maintain a blog?

There are quite a few problems when it comes to maintaining a blog. This blog for example, started when two people were very bored. "We had the time, we had the power, we are yet to have our finest hour..." but that's it. The enthusiasm vanishes when readers dwindle and you are left alone. At least, this blog has reached around <mumble mumble> views in total (not counting our own page views that is). The previous one I maintained had a total readership of two unique ip addresses : 1) I read the drivel I had written myself at home and 2) I read the same thing again from a different ip address. That was fun. There was no criticism whatsoever and all my readers enjoyed whatever I wrote, as the brighter few of you might have guessed.

Cacchination, fremescence, witzelsucht are big words. And I do not know their meanings, hence I won't use them

Secondly, ideas don't float around in mid air, especially during holidays, when admiring ceiling fans seems like a good enough pastime. If suppose, we had started this blog around the beginning of May, the time our semester exams started, we would have updated the blog every single hour! That's the time when I start getting questions like "Does water dissolve in salt?". I asked that question to my room mates during my first year in college and they still haven't forgiven me for the discussion (fight?) they had about that question for almost two hours that night. But, during holidays, you just don't get the time! You are always busy sitting idly or as I mentioned before admiring plain white ceiling fans (bulbs sometime do fit in perfectly, just that they don't rotate).

Thirdly, people have interns. This in turn leads them to concentrate more on writing a report on how a particular machine's task could be improved so as to give a higher overall efficiency (yawn) as compared to writing a more descriptive piece on how much more fun it would be if your laptop's password was an audio file of a song or a queer pose. So, when the person you started the blog with runs away to big companies doing interns or hides in places where you can't reach him, you really have no choice but to...

.... write articles titled "Why is it almost impossible to maintain a blog?" which brings me to my final point. When I find myself in such times of trouble and no one comes to me with words of wisdom, it is a good thought to write a short piece on why you aren't writing.

How to pronounce EA Sports like the guy who says it in the games?

For starters, it is "EA Sports <no problems with that> it's in the game". It does sound like "to the game" (the loading process is over, now we go to the game) and sometimes like the guy is gargling the catchphrase "sinthegaaa". So, next time you start a game and try to join him in saying the catchphrase, do not remember "it's in the game" because you are never going to get it. "sinthegaaa" is much better.

Eeee Yaaay Sports.. Ittt isssu inn tha game!

And, if you are enunciating "E  A  Sports" too, then there is a strict procedure on how you say it. By the way, the one who does that in the games is Andrew Anthony - "The Voice of EA Sports". So, here is his tutorial on how you do it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcw_G0oK6Ns

I tried imagining an Indian version of the same. "It was veeery funny.. A thouzand apologies! ". It would be best delivered by Ranjeet Singh from Mind Your Language I guess.

A thaauzand apologies.. But I yum not getting the Gist of this sentence.

Or probably a full fledged FIFA 13 commentary by the cast of Mind Your Language? Nice idea.

kutta

Philip Roth and Wikipedia

The American novelist Philip Roth found an error about an article in Wikipedia about his own book. He tried to edit it but Wikipedia wanted citations to confirm it. That's a sticky situation I would say.

Roth : "I'm the author of the book 'The Human Stain' and you see, those facts   there are wrong!"
Wikipedia :"Good. But, how do I believe you? Ha. Gotcha!"
Roth : "But.. "

Roth in hell, REJECTED ! Muhahahahaha!

Philip Roth would have been stumped by it. "Blurrrdeeeee fellows, not trusting my owns words about my book!" So, what does he do? He writes an open letter to Wikipedia, stating his situation and his inability to correct the mistake in the article  (which gets published in The New Yorker) :

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/books/2012/09/an-open-letter-to-wikipedia.html

And what does Wikipedia do?



Great!

kutta

Make Good Art

A must watch speech by Neil Gaiman at the University of Arts in 2012. A very apt one for many of us who have been forced to do things we don't like instead of trying to do something different, something we have always loved to do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikAb-NYkseI

Also, here is a really good website maintained by Gavin Aung Than who transforms inspirational quotes to cartoons. Here is the link to his cartoon version of Neil Gaiman's quote from the video.

http://zenpencils.com/comic/50-neil-gaiman-make-good-art/
I love the "Cat exploded?? Make good art" part!

kutta

Happens... #1

One day...

My friend and I once found a cell phone lying on the ground, unnoticed. We noticed it only because it chose to ring when we were walking near it. So, I picked up the phone. Apart from the colour display, it had no resemblance to being a phone at all! Imagine picking up a mini predator's mouth (from the film the predator).

Just the mouth probably. Yeah. Perfect.

I picked it nevertheless and a tough time trying to locate the call history because it had four sim cards with absolutely no buttons. So, it was more of a probabilistic phone. This might be a very probably conversation between the phone's owner and a random guy.

Guy 1 : Hey, can I make a call?
Owner : Uh.. I guess so.
Guy 2 : Thanks... How do you press the number 9?
Owner : Try touching the bottom right portion of the phone, vertically but don't press it too hard or it might break, don't hold the phone firmly, do not eat too much before making a call,try standing in one feet for better results and also try to close one of your eyes. If you do all that, then, by Tchebycheff inequality, after the 126th try, you might have a probability of more than 0.378 that you press the number 9.

Eventually, I did find the call history just to find one of my friend's number in the list. I call him up using the cell phone and assuming that the context has been set, I ask him

Me : Deei.. Whose number is this?
The other guy : This is mine only. Why you asking?
Me : <stumped> No. I meant.. The number from which I'm calling. Whose number is that?
The other guy : Oh.. ok. This is John Doe's number. <Yeah, generic name used>
Me : Oh, John Doe ! Ok.

When I utter that, one of the guys I am walking with screams

"Oh, John Doe ! I know him very well. He is my friend. I even have his number. Wait.. I will call him up on his number and inform him about his lost phone ! "

Call his number and what? Talk to me?

There.. there..
Happens..

Kutta

Another First ... Post ?

There are two entities to this blog . One, the cricket deviant , waiting for the sport's downfall -which seems to be any moment now - hoping for other sports to see the light of day . The other , contemplating whether to join in , seeing that the sport has been cast as entertainment rather than sport . Very bland beginning that .

I'm not gonna lie , first blog , first post , no idea what to Ramble on.

How to survive being a casual drinker in a highly highly conservative peergroup ? Getting more Likes on Facebook / Upvoted on Quora / +1 'd on G+ ? Get a girlfriend ? Rather get a girl to chat with you on Facebook ? Well , these are the things I've been doing for sometime now . Being  intern-ally (internet -socially ) conscious these days I guess .

So , yeah , that sums up the first of what is hopefully going to be a long Blogging , lets call it , shelf life if you will . Trying to stop being bland , might become a blonde .

That's it ! No more . Next one , I promise will be better .

And thus it begins ... again

Natta / Country .

Birthday.. boy?

Here is an interesting post on Thiyagesh Vishwanathan. We thought it would be a nice way to begin this blog. Towel Day, Ladies' birthday, Jordan's Independence Day, Kind Servius Tullius celebrated his victory over the Etruscans on this day, also the birthday of one Miss Unnur Birna Vilhjálmsdóttir, Icelandic model, actress, lawyer, and anthropologist, Miss World 2005 and also the day of death of Mr. John Arthur Spenkelink, American murderer. Guess you didn't know all that. Neither did I till I wikied it just now.

Here it goes,

"He is great.

None in the history have ever managed to get close to his greatness. None ever shall. Never has anyone seen such grit and will power to accept all the kalaai and move on happily( and of course, sometimes vent all the anger on a poor little drunkard country kid.)

He spreads happiness everywhere he goes by the sheer act of presenting himself in that location. Any passer by stops, admires his intelligence in worldly affairs, salutes to the great one and continues his work. What more can anyone achieve?

Time and again has he proved worthy of his nickname by clicking photos like the one shown below. It is now pretty clear that he is the new face of India. We are all "blonday" before him. Even when little kids died in the "Bo-stone" marathon, here he was rewriting people's history and the world's geography too. He simply couldn't see "Brazil" in its current place, he badly wanted it in "South Africa" (there is another story of how he pronounced Brazil which we won't pull here). And so, "Pele had to play in the 2003 World Cup" (Cricket, I guess or football?). "Too far", said the brave one and moved "Manchester to London" so that there can be more London "Durrrbees".

He's a real thug people, the pic again being a testimonial to my statement . We are lucky enough to live in the same era as our very own budding pole dancer. We are luckier to walk along with her, literally..

Happy birthday ... "Laaaadiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeesss".

#pottathanampersonified
( Hash tags used to pay tribute to the great one)

---- Conceptualized by Country ----
"

Doesn't that cute blue doll add to the scary foreground pic?

"And so it begins..."

 Kutta