4 Years

4 years..

What should I do in these 4 years?

Should I be a nerd, sit and study all the time in the room, and get grades, while I watch my classmates go out and have fun with their new found friends? Should I pore through dozens of books and abstain from having fun now, all for some grades, grades which will help me later in life?

Should I choose to stick to the rules, because I am afraid that they will ruin my life? Should I choose to be an introvert, because I am afraid that people won’t respond to me properly?

Or…

Should I be an all out cheerful person, one who goes out and makes friends, while neglecting my subjects? Should I be more concerned about how much fun I am having, than how much marks I am getting?

I don’t know the answer.

In my school days, marks gave me recognition. My educational achievements gave me my so-called friends; if I scored a lot, they would be happy to talk with me and get their doubts clarified. And I was told to spend time only with the people who score top marks, because spending time with the not-so-top-scoring guys will reduce my score too.

I tried to be a part of social gatherings. To be a normal person. But it never worked out. Jealousy, Ego and Selfishness pulled me back. And there was always the constant advice at home, “ Score good marks now. You can enjoy later.”

And so I did. I managed to enter into a reputed college. Where I hoped to change.

The advice was there again. “ Study well these 4 years. You can enjoy later”

And so I did.

I choose to abandon my social life for education.

I saw my classmates making new friends and enjoying their 4 years. For them, the present was important. To be happy now. To be ignorant of what lay ahead.
 The bliss. I knew none of that.

And right now, I sit all alone.

I have realized that my marks can’t give me any happiness. I have actually lost a lot while on my way to attain more.

And all I can do I cry a little on the inside.

But, my grades will help me later, right? Maybe they will grant me a nice 6-digit salary.

That is what I have worked for all this time.

 It will compensate for everything, right?

Right ?

I don’t know the answer.