Note : Vaaya Pothraaa - Pliss to shut the mouth .
This is one of my earliest writings. A bit juvenile, accepted. It has been 6 years since I wrote this.
"
Danger: The following article was written under a controlled environment. Writer won't be responsible for any kind of organ failure.
There was this human called Oath – Tall, well-built, silly walk and had a brain , like the four headed, man-eating haddock fish beast of Aberdeen (It's existence is doubted ). There was also a sister of his who once completed her 100m in the relay race just by doing Pink Panther hops. Eventually, they finished fourth in the race. Seems like an achievement? You may be wrong for only four had participated.
Mr. Oath always used to think that he could write poems and lots of them, a problem too common these days. Breaking all definitions given by Wordsworth, he would sit and think of topics for his poems. The main objective of his poem would be to rhyme the second line with the first one and not the very essence of the poem if at all something like that existed in his poems. The second line would at any cost rhyme with the first line, even though no meaning would be conveyed.
Here is a short guide to writing poems like Mr. Oath:-
1. Write the first line that comes to your mind. This will form the first line of your poem. Make it as poetic as possible.
“As the lion met the fox”
2. Make a sentence that rhymes with fox. Keep in mind that it should be the first line striking your mind.
“I was wearing a pair of socks”
3. Continue in the same way….
“I suddenly remember Goldilocks
And my friend got Chicken-Pox”
4. If you have completed your first four lines, congratulations. Write four more stanzas in a similar manner, and you have completed your first poem. Also, remember to make some mistakes while rhyming. This greatly helps in the aesthetics of the poem.
Such poetry is also highly characterized by the excessive use of words ending with –tion
Eg: “To build a beautiful nation,
The boy had a queer notion
1 + 1 is of course addition
9 – 9 is subtraction.”
You could also do this. Write whatever you feel on a piece of paper and then just separate just a first few words from the rest of the line. Sounds pretty cool.
E.g : I walked down the road and turned left. The usually found vegetable vendor wasn't there. Disappointed, I had to find another one. How could I cook without vegetables? Devastated, I had to run helter-skelter. I was entranced with the thought of food.Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, vegeta, veg, ve,v. A new phase has begun in my life.
You can see that that was absolute rubbish. Turn this into :
Some of the complaints after reading such poetry, the hospital received (What am I even writing?)
First one was from X(name made a variable) who said his brain had a collision with his gall bladder after reading such a poem and he demanded 5 Lakh (INR) compensation . The hospital replied saying that they would mail him other better poems. We received no more mail from him.
Another was from Y(name made another variable so that it doesn’t match with the first) who said that his heart started moving and it was in his larynx when he reached the last few stanzas of a poem. He had to gobble his computer speakers to push it down to its original position.
Apart from such normal cases they did not receive anything else. I just hope the Government looks into this and takes stringent actions on anyone attempting Oath-ian poetry for "public welfare".
"
Some things haven't changed at all.
This is one of my earliest writings. A bit juvenile, accepted. It has been 6 years since I wrote this.
"
Danger: The following article was written under a controlled environment. Writer won't be responsible for any kind of organ failure.
There was this human called Oath – Tall, well-built, silly walk and had a brain , like the four headed, man-eating haddock fish beast of Aberdeen (It's existence is doubted ). There was also a sister of his who once completed her 100m in the relay race just by doing Pink Panther hops. Eventually, they finished fourth in the race. Seems like an achievement? You may be wrong for only four had participated.
Mr. Oath always used to think that he could write poems and lots of them, a problem too common these days. Breaking all definitions given by Wordsworth, he would sit and think of topics for his poems. The main objective of his poem would be to rhyme the second line with the first one and not the very essence of the poem if at all something like that existed in his poems. The second line would at any cost rhyme with the first line, even though no meaning would be conveyed.
Here is a short guide to writing poems like Mr. Oath:-
1. Write the first line that comes to your mind. This will form the first line of your poem. Make it as poetic as possible.
“As the lion met the fox”
2. Make a sentence that rhymes with fox. Keep in mind that it should be the first line striking your mind.
“I was wearing a pair of socks”
3. Continue in the same way….
“I suddenly remember Goldilocks
And my friend got Chicken-Pox”
4. If you have completed your first four lines, congratulations. Write four more stanzas in a similar manner, and you have completed your first poem. Also, remember to make some mistakes while rhyming. This greatly helps in the aesthetics of the poem.
Such poetry is also highly characterized by the excessive use of words ending with –tion
Eg: “To build a beautiful nation,
The boy had a queer notion
1 + 1 is of course addition
9 – 9 is subtraction.”
 |
| Our guru - Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vogon |
You could also do this. Write whatever you feel on a piece of paper and then just separate just a first few words from the rest of the line. Sounds pretty cool.
E.g : I walked down the road and turned left. The usually found vegetable vendor wasn't there. Disappointed, I had to find another one. How could I cook without vegetables? Devastated, I had to run helter-skelter. I was entranced with the thought of food.Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, vegeta, veg, ve,v. A new phase has begun in my life.
You can see that that was absolute rubbish. Turn this into :
Turned left
I walked down the road and
Wasn't there
The usually found vegetable vendor
Disappointed,
I had to find another one.
Vegetables,
How could I cook without?
Devastated,
I had to run helter-skelter
Entranced,
With the thought of food I was.
Vegetables,
Vegetables, vegetab, vegeta, veg, ve, v.
New phase,
Begins in my life.
Some of the complaints after reading such poetry, the hospital received (What am I even writing?)
First one was from X(name made a variable) who said his brain had a collision with his gall bladder after reading such a poem and he demanded 5 Lakh (INR) compensation . The hospital replied saying that they would mail him other better poems. We received no more mail from him.
Another was from Y(name made another variable so that it doesn’t match with the first) who said that his heart started moving and it was in his larynx when he reached the last few stanzas of a poem. He had to gobble his computer speakers to push it down to its original position.
Apart from such normal cases they did not receive anything else. I just hope the Government looks into this and takes stringent actions on anyone attempting Oath-ian poetry for "public welfare".
"
Some things haven't changed at all.
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