The Life of Bloody Mary

I should warn you nothing has been exaggerated in this article and neither am I being sexist. These are all true incidents and none of these idiocies are to be imitated. 

There is a reason why girls are so good at putting off guys, and also a reason why some guys would have never have to even come across such a situation. Every girl would know one thing for sure - guys are terrible at taking hints. Of course, one must admire their resilience and optimism, despite the repeated manoeuvres to get away from them. The hope that their crush would

like their picture on Facebook, or even respond to their messages gives them a reason to unfailingly try to have a conversation longer than ten lines the next day. It all starts with a request that seems innocent, or a forward that seems harmless, but it grows faster than a tumour. Soon enough, they're sending you messages wishing you a good morning, and a good evening, and then a good night. They stalk you day and night, and are updated with every meal you have and every place you visit. The horror. 

Initially you think, it's just a boy. How much harm can a mixed up chromosome do to one? Boy, was I wrong. One can end up with hundreds of followers and stalkers because of one mix-up.  

Although it's tiresome to keep ignoring the gawking and ogling, and the stalkers constantly at work, there are certain perks to it as well. You get to read tons of hilarious one-liners, cheesy pick-up lines and what not. You will soon be well-versed with every one of their excuses to get your number and they might turn out useful in case you ever plan on using them. Strangers will ask you out to dinner, praise you in flattery and get you high on narcissism. You'll always feel like the most popular person in the world, your phone flooding with messages.  

Thankfully, Facebook was smart enough to keep a folder called "Others" ever since the rising trend of talking to strangers online started spreading. There is a tremendous need to filter out the stalkers from the acquaintances. Save the girl child indeed!

P.S. The article was purely based on a personal experience and is directed at a very small section of the male population.

The five most over rated entities around me!!

Disclaimer: The content and the choices made in the article are strictly contemplated opinions and beliefs of the author. Any damage caused to the sentiments of the readers, evoking their emotions is not entirely but slightly intentional.

When a blind sheep falls into a pit, it is believed that the other sheep behind the blind one would also fall into the same fate though they are not necessarily blind. The entire idea of overrating would aptly fit into this dumb sheep analogy.

Consider the scenario:
Person 1 watches a movie and likes it very much. He would now pass the information of his liking towards the movie to person 2!!
Person 2 to Person 3: Person 1 has watched the movie and "I heard" it is good.
Person 3 to a few more : The movie is good!!! (Sources man! Sources??? )
Person 4,5,6 to a lot more : The movie was "awesome"! (overrating-1 , reality-0)

This habit passes on and people subtly start developing positive perceptions on an entity even though they wouldn't have personally experienced it, consequently spinning a blanket of cliche over the stuff!! And that blanket is what we term "overrating"! Basically, it is like being inside a Matrix! You don't know what is real !

There are always three sides of a story. The first side,second side and the truth. Sometimes,when you get to experience the truth about these overrated, hyped entities you would be hit with waves of disappointment and doubts as they could be ugly and undeserving. In this context I would like to air the most overrated stuffs thriving around me in my environment!

5. Sachin 10dulkar:

Fans of the master blaster, bite your teeth and scroll down! Without any doubt, he is a great cricketer, professional, talented and you know the rest. But still I would say "Sachin is the hero which the India team deserves but not the one it has needed always."  To my consciousness, I have never seen him carrying the team to victory single handed in a very important "do or die" matches or at least contributing on field to his team in immense pressure situations. Being a highly respected and rated player one should at least expect that much from him . But instead, there went times when India had to play for the sole purpose of making the master bridge the history with his 100th century, which purely does not add to the image of a colossus. I do not wish to stay on this topic more as it could fetch me brickbats and flaks. But I do have many who feel the same.

4. The Shawshank Redemption and its IMDB 9.3:

Are you kidding me? What could get better than Morgan's Freeman narrating the life of an innocent trapped man sloging two complete decades in his life to escape out of his prison ? Highly emotional, interestingly narrative, terrifically realistic, yeah! Undoubtedly a great movie but not the one deserving to get a 9.3 rating in IMDB and the top most spot in its "Top 250 movies of all time" list!  I could guarantee a dozen other movies which are more qualified for that position than its current placeholder.

3. City of Bengaluru, India:

Refreshing weather, hot damn chicks (sorry damn hot chicks) and people tend to keep this outsourcing factory on the oblivion. Seriously, no one cares about the narrow roads (yes the streets and the main roads in Bangalore are more or  less of the same width) the endless pollution, people driving and turning crazy at the T-junctions which are unfortunately in a large number in Bengaluru. And, yeah, the high cost of living adds to everything. Not to forget the city's airport which is freaking 50 Kms away from the main city. What is wrong with you people??


2.Hotel Saravana Bhavan (HSB):

Those who have no idea about it,HSB is a chain of vegetarian restaurants across the globe.

The olden Madras had uber respect for the Vada-Sambar and the full course afternoon meal it offered. Things aren't the same anymore. Two things about the food seem to shoot up every time I go there, the amount of oil the food items contain and the other more obvious factor being the food prices, which keeps gnawing at me very much.

The very fact that the franchise was invincible in its quality for decades has helped them maintain the same name and fame inspite of the deteriorating taste. And it is being over rated for the very reason too.

1. Salman Khan 

100,150,200,250...
It is not an Arithmetic progression sequence with a common difference of 50 but the amount in crores that Salman Khan's recent movies bagged in the market. And when you decide to study on what factors led to such a jackpot, you will hardly find some substance. In fact all his movies have been rebuked by critics throughout. He uses some set of muscles to hit the bad asses in a scene. And uses the same set of muscles in the holy name of "dance" by the very next scene.
Step 1: Move your mouth left and right
Step 2: Try vibrating your biceps at constant beats
Step 3: Ease your hand into your pockets and try moving them

" There you go!Congratulations!! You have successfully completed the jackpot winning dance movements" !

Probably, the icon had been the only instance known for defying fundamental movienomics by showing that he could fetch more profit from a relatively bad movie than the better ones("So called") ! My heart aches and brain implodes when I get to hear the celebrated news of the net gross of his movies. I find a hard time figuring out reasons. Cause and Effect? Where did you go now??

                   
As time flies by, I keep hoping if the over rating phenomena of these entities could be wiped off. On a micro scale I do keep wondering if my taste on all these substances are just weird, and actually very different from the other folks. Conflict of opinions it is !! (NOT ON THE SALMAN KHAN PART THOUGH!)

Bollywood,Kollywood aur the swapping cliches!

It is not surprising that cinemas in India have been greatly associated with Bombay-Hollywood aka Bollywood for over a century! Without any doubt, Bollywood has supported a rich tradition of movies in India for years and has nourished all other regional film industries in the country. Yes, had there not been a Amitab Bachchan, there wouldn't have been a Rajnikanth. Great! I have mentioned those two names in an article revolving around Indian cinema. Now, I can safely move on to the subject.

 PHASE-1 OF THE SCENARIO:

Harking back to the 1960s,1970s and 1980s, Bollywood witnessed a heavily backed trend of what we call the "masala movies" (action, duets, sister sentiments, item numbers and what not!) The trend had its influence all over the country, especially on films in South India. Well, I don't want to talk about its Tollywood cousin which had perhaps digested too much of inspiration that even today its products cannot survive without ample dose of the typical Andhra masalas!

 Down south is a smaller region which still holds its commanding position in the movie business at par with the Bollywood. And yes, the Bollywood masala inspiration prevailed for many decades here too except for the respite provided from time to time by directors like Mani Ratnam with catchy movies like Nayagan, Roja, Bombay and the like. Those were times when audience sulked if they saw their heroes ending the movie in a sad note! I can't cite a better example than the amount of criticism Ajith Kumar faced for his melancholy Mugavari a decade ago. Time flew, generations and actors changed, but the cliché could never be rooted out.

Meanwhile in the north, a bunch of young talents managed to throw away the cliche weeds with interesting substitutes. Heroines catching the trains at the last minute were made as interesting as a cop shooting the bad ass(DDLJ), 3 friends hanging out were shown as lovable as an exotic duet(DIL CHAHTHA HAI) and a single  man leading a messed up team to world cup victory was as emotional as the hero's mother dying on his hands. While the Bombay talkies was clever enough to switch lanes, it was still the "same old same old" situation  in the south.

 PHASE-2 OF THE SCENARIO: 

Towards the late second half of the previous decade Kollywood did try to get off the stereotyped track. There were spoofs, portrayal of gay couples and action movies began to lose their thunder subtly. But, that did not help in attracting the public and crunching the numbers. In such a scenario, I would like to point out two movies that came out in a span of two years and reminded everyone that there still is room and respect for creativity in the soil. One was "AARANYA KAANDAM" which released two years ago. The other one was the recent show stopper "SOODHU KAVVUM". Both the projects didn't have an appealing star cast, high octane stunts or the usually copied-from-Hollywood-movie car chases! But they had some out of the box teasers, astute presentation of the story,  simple and appealing dialogues cooked in desi style.Thanks to all those non-dramatic ideas. The grand old clichéd wall of Tamil cinema could soon be diminished now, faith has thus been restored and the world has become a better place to live in!

But wait a minute, the oblivion is not that easy a destination to reach! There is a guy in Bombay in the name of Salman Khan. He simply checks in, moves some muscles, kicks some butts and then rest is history,scoring  a whopping one hundred crores on the board! "Easier done than said". Well, such a simple white formula of bagging big money has indeed eye patched the big heads from experimenting on different genres, thus posting them back into the Sholay timeline! This served a lottery to actors like Ajay Devgan and Akshay Kumar who became preoccupied easily with the movies that demanded authentic stunts rather than genuine expressions and acting. In fact the 100 crore clichés had a tremendous potential which influenced directors even like Dibaker Banerjee to append item numbers to their flicks.(Not cool bro,not cool!) Well the trend that kicked off with Dabangg doesn't promise to reach the oblivion in the near future. Increasing the concerns, Shahrukh has now come down the line with his Chennai Express which is undoubtedly going to be a typical "flipping-the-cars" Rohit Shetty movie. The budding creativity currently flowing in the Kollywood fraternity has instilled a sense of satiety but I still miss those days when SRK used to put people in trance with his guitars, Saif made one go on the floor laughing with his comical romance, and of course those days when Salman Khan had more interesting criminal cases than his movie records.

'Pop'ped Culture

It had been a long time since I'd browsed aimlessly on the internet. Since my hostel has a net connection as stable as a long distance relationship, I had been cut-off, deserted and ignorant. I realize my playlist hadn't been updated at all so I take a look at the billboard top 40. I see names I can't recognise and they sound very flashy. Icona Pop, Pink, Pitbull. Bruno Mars. They seemed out of this planet, literally. Demi Lovato. Selena Gomez. Jonas Brothers. Wait, weren't they on the Disney channel a few years ago?

Out of curiosity (which I'm incredibly grateful to be, or who knows what might have happened if I'd just mentioned their names to show off a bit) I googled them. And decided to hear a few of their songs on Youtube. And there pops up a video with around 800 million likes. Titled Baby, featuring Ludacris. And all I could think was, ridiculous! And I start playing the video and see a kid singing baby for about two minutes. I realized my mom's complaints had some truth to them. After all the old Hindi songs she'd gotten used to, that necessarily had high-pitched voices and sung nothing less a perfectly tuned raga, what she was exposed to was worse than cacophony.But what did make me feel better was that the video had 3 million dislikes.There was still hope.And then I try to move on, and take a look at Pitbull. Mind-blowing was too much of an understatement I'd say. Here are some excerpts from his famous songs.

"A billion's a new million
Voli's a new vodka
Forty is the new 30
Baby you're a rock star"

"That badonka donk is like a trunk full of bass on an old school Chevy
All I need is some vodka and some Coke
And watch get Donkey Konged"

*For those who could not understand them, I have no translation.

For those who did understand, got curious and listened to a few more of his raps, you might have spotted a trend. He mentions a few places, Cuba, Miami, New York, and mentions boozing and getting stoned, and continues blabbing in Latin. His secret to success might still remain a secret, but hey, if you ever wanted a shot at fame, you know which road to follow.

And then I see, there is one video that crossed a billion likes. But I notice a rather peculiar guy in the video - not very attractive, a pot belly for sure. Makes me more inquisitive. I listen to it, and I find out in the end that the only words I gather from the video are 'sexy lady'. Well, that's reason enough to become the most popular song, isn't it?

Nevertheless, pop has its catchy beats and must have some other reasons as to why it is popular. There are some artists who are worthy of thy name. The Beatles were popular during their time and truly do have substance. But when boy bands like One Direction stand at the same position as the legends in the billboard charts, there will be a lot of fingers raised, tomatoes and eggs thrown as well.

The Oath of the .... Vaaya Pothraaa !

Note : Vaaya Pothraaa - Pliss to shut the mouth .

This is one of my earliest writings. A bit juvenile, accepted. It has been 6 years since I wrote this.

"
Danger: The following article was written under a controlled environment. Writer won't be responsible for any kind of organ failure.

There was this human called Oath – Tall, well-built, silly walk and had a brain , like the four headed, man-eating haddock fish beast of Aberdeen (It's existence is doubted ). There was also a sister of his who once completed her 100m in the relay race just by doing Pink Panther hops. Eventually, they finished fourth in the race. Seems like an achievement? You may be wrong for only four had participated.

Mr. Oath always used to think that he could write poems and lots of them, a problem too common these days. Breaking all definitions given by Wordsworth, he would sit and think of topics for his poems. The main objective of his poem would be to rhyme the second line with the first one and not the very essence of the poem if at all something like that existed in his poems. The second line would at any cost rhyme with the first line, even though no meaning would be conveyed.

Here is a short guide to writing poems like Mr. Oath:-

1. Write the first line that comes to your mind. This will form the first line of your poem. Make it as poetic as possible.

                                                “As the lion met the fox”

2. Make a sentence that rhymes with fox. Keep in mind that it should be the first line striking your mind.

                                                “I was wearing a pair of socks”

3. Continue in the same way….

                                                “I suddenly remember Goldilocks

                                                 And my friend got Chicken-Pox”


4. If you have completed your first four lines, congratulations. Write four more stanzas in a similar manner, and you have completed your first poem. Also, remember to make some mistakes while rhyming. This greatly helps in the aesthetics of the poem.

Such poetry is also highly characterized by the excessive use of words ending with –tion
Eg:                 “To build a beautiful nation,

                        The boy had a queer notion

                        1 + 1 is of course addition

                        9 – 9 is subtraction.”

Our guru - Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vogon

You could also do this. Write whatever you feel on a piece of paper and then just separate just a first few words from the rest of the line. Sounds pretty cool.

E.g : I walked down the road and turned left. The usually found vegetable vendor wasn't there. Disappointed, I had to find another one. How could I cook without vegetables? Devastated, I had to run helter-skelter. I was entranced with the thought of food.Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, vegeta, veg, ve,v. A new phase has begun in my life.

You can see that that was absolute rubbish. Turn this into :

Turned left

I walked down the road and

Wasn't there

The usually found vegetable vendor

Disappointed,

I had to find another one.

Vegetables,

How could I cook without?

Devastated,

I had to run helter-skelter

Entranced,

With the thought of food I was.

Vegetables,

Vegetables, vegetab, vegeta, veg, ve, v.

New phase,

Begins in my life.

Some of the complaints after reading such poetry, the hospital received (What am I even writing?)
    First one was from X(name made a variable) who said his brain had a collision with his gall bladder after reading such a poem and he demanded 5 Lakh (INR) compensation . The hospital replied saying that they would mail him other better poems. We received no more mail from him.

    Another was from Y(name made another variable so that it doesn’t match with the first) who said that his heart started moving and it was in his larynx when he reached the last few stanzas of a poem. He had to gobble his computer speakers to push it down to its original position.

Apart from such normal cases they did not receive anything else. I just hope the Government looks into this and takes stringent actions on anyone attempting Oath-ian poetry for "public welfare".
"

Some things haven't changed at all.

4 Years

4 years..

What should I do in these 4 years?

Should I be a nerd, sit and study all the time in the room, and get grades, while I watch my classmates go out and have fun with their new found friends? Should I pore through dozens of books and abstain from having fun now, all for some grades, grades which will help me later in life?

Should I choose to stick to the rules, because I am afraid that they will ruin my life? Should I choose to be an introvert, because I am afraid that people won’t respond to me properly?

Or…

Should I be an all out cheerful person, one who goes out and makes friends, while neglecting my subjects? Should I be more concerned about how much fun I am having, than how much marks I am getting?

I don’t know the answer.

In my school days, marks gave me recognition. My educational achievements gave me my so-called friends; if I scored a lot, they would be happy to talk with me and get their doubts clarified. And I was told to spend time only with the people who score top marks, because spending time with the not-so-top-scoring guys will reduce my score too.

I tried to be a part of social gatherings. To be a normal person. But it never worked out. Jealousy, Ego and Selfishness pulled me back. And there was always the constant advice at home, “ Score good marks now. You can enjoy later.”

And so I did. I managed to enter into a reputed college. Where I hoped to change.

The advice was there again. “ Study well these 4 years. You can enjoy later”

And so I did.

I choose to abandon my social life for education.

I saw my classmates making new friends and enjoying their 4 years. For them, the present was important. To be happy now. To be ignorant of what lay ahead.
 The bliss. I knew none of that.

And right now, I sit all alone.

I have realized that my marks can’t give me any happiness. I have actually lost a lot while on my way to attain more.

And all I can do I cry a little on the inside.

But, my grades will help me later, right? Maybe they will grant me a nice 6-digit salary.

That is what I have worked for all this time.

 It will compensate for everything, right?

Right ?

I don’t know the answer.

The smart phone plot!!

Well,the article is not about the detrimental effects of smart phones in the entropy or about  the phenomenal change it has bought into human routines. These topics have already been confronted, discussed and debated indefinitely by philanthropists all across the globe. It is just about a small unfortunate or going-to-turn fortunate episode in my life plotted by a smart phone.

I never became a victim of smart phones even though when they became a ubiquitous parameter in the society, since their advent five years ago. I was always convinced that I could never depend on a phone for any purpose other than calling someone or texting them. But things had to change and they did. The world was moving too fast  and various instances made me realize  that I was left behind without the critical technology update.Consequently,I decided that it was time for some smart ass company and hence juxtaposed a smart phone with my old simple model.

I was pushed into an unexpected conundrum within days of my new friend's arrival. My smart phone had revealed everything about my relationship to my family (or to be more appropriate, to my conservative family). My mom basically isn't keen enough to operate a smart phone. She doesn't even know to check the inbox. But one fine day, when she was glaring at the new phone to check some applications, she saw a small window of a notification which read that I had received a text message from "some" person <cough cough>. And yes without any doubt, that "some" person was my girlfriend. All it took was a gentle touch over the notification window and the very next moment she had all our conversations saying hi to her and my secrets which I wished to hide from her just went kaput. Well, the worst part was that unlike my old friend this one had all the messages stacked neatly and chronologically as conversations and hence she could easily picture and figure out the situations happening inside the conversations.(There was no scope for this in my old phone where the received and delivered messages would be in separate folders). Adding to the misery was the facebook chat synchronization which contained even more of my-mom-shouldn't-know stuffs. She wouldn't have imagined that she could get so much information about her son with nothing but a touch. Thanks to the smart ass for being so honest and humble.The touch has now become mightier than a pen!!!

Well the fact or point I wish to put forth here is that, when a smart phone could easily reveal so much personal information to a naive person like my mom, it could certainly lend them to the "First world nations" and software giants who are snooping on netizens all over the globe ("food for thought")!! Unfortunately, we are always being prowled by the very own devices to which we are technically owners and actually slaves.

For some very warm reasons, I still feel the world was a very peaceful place when we had this in our pockets:

"You just cannot forget this"